PLAYER PROFILES

Name:
Ashley Cameron (Ash the Gash)

Status:
Hero

About:
Ash appeared in the news shopper last season, thinking we wouldn’t notice if he kept quiet about it. The roaming centre back regularly surges forward with mazy runs on the ball, then gets back in time to give a penalty away. Work as a life-saver in the cauldron of death that is crook log (and Erith as well) swimming pool.

Most likely to:
Be sick on the floor in a curry house, deny all knowledge of it, then do some more all in one movement.