Camden FC 2 - 5 Parkmere Old Boys
08 October 2006 - Report by Paul O'Brien
THERE YOU GO ANDY JOHNSON!!!
Starting Lineup: Goalie Paul, Ashley, Catty, Macca, Dave Lee, Burge, Kaan, Kirk, Martin Layle, Mike Harvey, Lee Searle. Subs: Navy Neil, Gambling Kev, Ginge, Little Chris, Paul
I turned up for this game sprightly and raring to go after a heavy night out in Maidstone’s Source bar for my brother’s 20th birthday celebrations. Apparently there’s actually a limit to how much a man can safely drink, although I was unaware of this. I showed my hunger to play by falling asleep on the gravel car park while people commented on how pale I was. Then as the team talk commenced I blasted the ball into the net and done a Klinsmann dive into the goal, then got up to get the ball and fell over the net again to rapturous laughter from all witnesses.
Being in no fit state to play anyway I ran the line for the first 45 minutes – aided by Kieran - and was kept quite busy as the play was more often than not in our half. Being on the line means you can normally see the culprits playing people on at the back. In this game in the first half we had new-found alcoholic Ashley playing a few people on, but a quick word at half time showed it wasn’t really his fault and he had his own frustrations with what was happening on the pitch. Although the attacks were mainly at the Camden goal, we still managed to create a few chances that could’ve been put away on another day.
This team was an especially good one for this league. None of them had bad games really apart from maybe their right back, and their movement was exceptional, always finding space and killing the ball with their first touch. They won their last league with a +61 goal difference and had up front the Andy Johnson fella who put 5 outstanding goals past us as a ringer for Benchmark Arrows last season in our legendary cup run.
Dave Lee was trying to talk one of their strikers out of the game for the first half, as I heard the striker backchat and say from the lino’s position “we got a biter have we Dave?” and the striker’s aggressive reply “yeah I’ll bite in a minute mate”. But then he looked like he could probably handle himself so I cowered. And he scored at least one of their goals, possibly more.
At 0-0 they went through on goal and played it across where Catty missed a golden chance to get another own goal, clearing the ball from the line with a diving header. Catty was inconsolable, he probably wont get many better chances than that to add to his oggies tally.
Eventually Parkmere Old Boys (you will notice their initials are the same as mine – POB - hence the title) broke the Camden resistance with a ball from the left flank across goal which wasn’t dealt with before their skipper was unmarked and passed the ball into the net to make it 1-0, which is how the first half ended.
The second came again from wide when their left flank beat the covering full back and taking on, and beating, goalie Paul. The third was a tap in. as match reports dictate, maybe I should have described them better but there are other more important events to dedicate the space to.
Their 4th deserves a mention, as they were trying to go through the middle so Catty (not even the closest Camden player to the ball) completely took their attacker out. Everyone stopped play apart from one man, who had starred in hooligan flick I.D, who bent the ball around Paul and into the net off the post from just outside our area. Still annoyed by not having been given the penalty Parkmere barely celebrated this brilliant goal! 4-0.Recently Mike Harvey has been completely paying no attention to his duties running the line as a sub, and instead has decided to score a few on the pitch. Its all about “Me me me” for Mike you see. At last, he provided a shining light when running onto a mis-placed pass (so I am told) and finished clinically past their big fat keeper from the angle. 4-1. At the moment the only time the ball has hit the net off a Camden player has been from Mike himself, a Kaan tap-in or an unstoppable effort from Catty into our own net (twice) so Mike is doing well.
Then I came on. By now there had been 3 changes as Dave Lee made way for Ginge at left back, and an injury to Kaan meant that Little Chris came on and went up front while Lee Searle dropped back into centre midfield so Kaan could chat to Chris’s dad about the boils on his arse. I replaced Lee Burge. My first act was to run onto a Kirk pass and cross it in with my first touch, which Mike just missed with his head to claim a second. From the resulting goal kick, I used my second touch of the game to mis-head the ball into the path of their Andy Johnson fella – I sealed the deal by shouting “there you go Andy Johnson” soon after realising where it was going – and he played it out wide, where it was played back in and finished for number 5. At least I ended up with an assist.
Said Andy Johnson type wanted a bit of Ginge it seems, as he ended up planting the nut on him later on in the game after a tussle. Ask ginge, he was really happy about the whole thing. They also scored a goal which was ruled offside as the only man between their player and the goal was Macca (keeper Paul wasn’t between them) and Macca had to politely explain this at the top of his voice to the bloke who was annoyed his goal had been ruled out.
Little Chris had unfortunately missed a header when it seemed easier to score but made his appearance worthwhile when he latched onto the ball on the left flank, the keeper came out and Chris passed it across the area to Lee Searle who appeared to miskick it but Mike Harvey was in the right place at the right time to stab the ball home for his second. 5 in 2 games for the Camden now.
Final whistle, 5-2 to Parkmere.