Abbey United 1 - 4 Camden FC
01 October 2006 - Report by kirk Weyman
HAT TRICK HERO HARVEY SILENCES HAIR CRITICS!
Starting Lineup: Smudger, Ashley, Catty(cpt), Macca, Dave, Martin Layle, Lee B, Kaan, Kirk, Lee S, Mike. Subs: Dorm, Little Dan A, Kev, Ginge, Paulinho, Benneth.
The Billy got their season up and running with a comfortable victory at the world famous Erith Rec, known for its stunning high rise surroundings. The boys met in the car park and were in buoyant mood despite the MUST WIN stigma attached to this match. There was much laughter and applauding at random conkers falling on parked vehicles and then the biggest laugh of them all – as well as open mouthed gasps – at Mike’s new boy band hair style, a grey-blond number.
Normally, the report would jump straight onto the pitch at this point, however, some absolutely amazing brown nosing in the changing room couldn’t go without mention. There are a few members of the team who like to wear the same number shirt every game, one of these people is Kaan, who adorns the number 4 shirt. He couldn’t find said shirt and so asked (in a tone that suggested whoever had it should hand it over!) who was wearing it. Dave replied that he had it. Commence handing over of shirt you would think, but NO, Kaan backtracked (perhaps because Dave is part of the team selection committee….??) and said it’s no problem, he will wear a different shirt. Shocking and disgraceful, the Albanian refugee should be thoroughly ashamed of himself.
Right, onto the pitch we then strutted after being told of a bit of a shake up in the starting line up. Paulinho and Ginge were amazingly omitted to be replaced by the father/son combo that is Dave and Laul. However, I think Ginge would have seen a non appearance coming due to his ol’ man turning up to watch as he never seems to get on when he is in attendance.
Both teams needed the result as both were on 0 points after 2 games. The Camden were up for it and nothing less then a win was expected after a poor display last week. They responded well as they started much the stronger. Possession of the ball was good, everyone was making space and wanted the ball and there was hardly any balls launched aimlessly. Abbey seemed to get frustrated by not being able to get hold of the ball and seemed to take this out on Laul by squishing him continuously. The only couple of downsides to the opening 30 minutes were the lack of a goal the dominance deserved and the continual failure to hold the line resulting in numerous offsides.
Eventually, the Camden did get the breakthrough they deserved as from a Leon Burge corner began a game of penalty box pinball. After many ricochets, Mike swivelled and fired a shot into the net. The boys celebrated their first goal of the season by messing up Mike’s barnet. 1-0.
Abbey then kicked off, passed the ball back to their centre back who was dazzled by Mike’s hair as he was dispossessed to leave Mike 1 on 1 with the keeper. Their number 1 didn’t seem to understand what was going on and was late to close down Mike who had enough time to pick his spot. 2 goals in a minute for the lttl’un. 2-0 Camden. Abbey were now arguing amongst themselves constantly and their man mountain in the middle was sweating more then Kaan.
The Billy continued to press and a good run by Laul took him to the by line where he crossed only for Kaan’s outstretched leg to miss it by a whisker. This resulted in Kaan being knackered (as normally not venturing that far forward) and Laul just laughing. Not long before the break the Camden notched their 3rd goal. Lee produced a quality free kick from the right wing which was met by a thumping header from Mike. An excellent hat trick on his first start of the season. Half time, 3-0 Camden.
A very solid first half performance meant the Camden were worthy 3-0 leaders. Dave was replaced by Dan at half time with him slotting in at left back. The wind was against the Camden in the 2nd half and they were not as dominant. Dan produced some timely hoofs up the pitch that were missing in the first half and Paul the Smudger was brought into action a couple of times as Abbey had their first bout of pressure of the match.
The Camden, however, did still create chances, most of which were shot badly wide by Kirk and Lee Burge. Then, about 10/15 minutes in, some bad control by Dan allowed Kaan to take the ball and unleash a twice deflected, wind assisted miss-kick from just outside the box* which just eluded the despairing dive of their keeper.
Kaan celebrated by trotting around aimlessly until Catty flattened him – no mean feat that. 4-0 Camden and pretty much game over.
The Camden tried to press for more but, again, were caught offside far too many times. Abbey then scored what looked a legitimate goal but it was amazingly ruled out for handball with no protests from the Camden (apart from Lee B who was next to the ref and suggested handball – when it never was – and the ref bought it!). This incensed Abbey who then had another good 10 minutes. This little bit of pressure culminated in Kaan handballing in the box with the ref awarding the penalty. Despite much noise coming from the Camden to put off the pen talker he despatched his kick for a consolation goal.
Kev came on for Mike and Dorm came on for Laul (to save Dave paying the full £5 for Laul’s subs). Kev did some fruitless gambling while Tom made some good runs but failure to look up in the box resulted in his shot going wide when he could have set up American Dad Searle on a cartoon plate.
The last 10 minute fizzled out a bit with some more poor shooting, Paul getting winded by the fat mans shot and Dan A getting a smashed nose after a wild lunge, which hit the refs plums after Dan’s nose. Macca also saved Catty with a diving block from their strikers shot after a bit of overplaying by the captain.
The full time whistle came and a hugely deserved victory for the boys. Foot slightly off the peddle second half and far too many off sides the only bad points to an otherwise excellent performance by the lads.
Special mention to Monkey ‘Just for Men’ Harris for his touchline appearance and, generally, to our excellent travelling support. Also, to Searle for not having a shot all game – need to be more selfish and test the keeper with your bendy animated legs. And well done to Kev on his meat raffle collecting debut, a fine performance. Man of the Match (obviously) to Mike Harvey. An excellent hat trick.
*Ok, Kaan’s goal was a 30 yard screamer into the top left corner, giving the keeper no chance.