North Heath 1 - 1 Camden FC
28 January 2007 - Report by Paul O'Brien
CATTY FINALLY SCORES IN THE RIGHT END
Starting Lineup: Goalie Paul, Navy Neil, Ashley, Catty (Capt), Dan Ahern, Paul, Lee Burge, Little Chris, Matty P, Searley, Benneth Subs: Dorm, Gambling Kev, Martin ‘Dwain’ Layle, Mike Harvey
A 6-pointer here, North Heath are a couple of points below us in the table with 4, yes FOUR games in hand. How on earth can such a backlog occur?? We had played them a few seasons before in a friendly and won either 3-1 or 5-1 (I cant remember, we convincingly beat 2 lower league teams in that pre-season, I just don’t know which game had which score). Since then they had been promoted to our division and gotten themselves a nice cosy deal with the FA whereby if they are excessively violent to the referees they can have 4 home games where they can use their own refs and cheat all they wanted. Always looking out for the little guy, the FA, otherwise there wouldn’t be as much of a relegation struggle and the crowds would be drawn in.
That was a fantastic opportunity to link to our own crowd there, very pleased with myself. More recently we have a travelling support to rival any side in the division. What with the game being a referee-less affair on a swamp next the the Ferrier estate against a scrappy team with a poor disciplinary record, the numbers – real faces – turned up to support the team. Matty Prentice brought his bird in his filthy work van. The newly formed Dan Ahern fan club were there to award Dan Ahern with their man of the match award irrespective of his part played in the game. Chris’s family were there as always, and will have to be credited for their support all season. Many of the team were injured for this game; Kirk had a swollen ankle looking like an elephant’s leg, Kaan’s shoulder popped out last week and Macca has a beard so none of them could play, but still all turned up to watch. Well turned out lads. Then there was a random family who brought their Staffordshire Bull Terrier for a walk. We’ll get to that later.
In this game, their only candidate for a referee was one of their players who wanted to make himself available to play so didn’t fancy it in the middle. They offered us the whistle, we accepted and Dave Lee officiated.
What a start to a game. Or lack of a start. Only Little Chris and Lee Searle seemed interested. Little Chris was playing in a Centre-Midfield role alongside Lee Burge as he got man of the match against Dartford Celtic in that role. Searley up front. However, this changed naturally as Searley got more involved in knocking people out of the way in the middle of the park while Chris chased on to any balls put to the forward line, not that there were many of note. On the flanks we had the return of Matty P to the starting Line-up on the left and last week’s warmlake sports-sponsored man of the match Paul O’Brien on the right wing. However, with the sun bright in the eyes hindering judging the flight of the ball and not much of a tempo from our side, neither flank shone.
You would’ve thought we would be up for this game after only 1 loss in our last 4 games and even that was to an unbelievable offside non-decision against Riverside the previous week, the club was playing well and getting results here and there, why not at fellow strugglers North Heath? I don’t know, but we were toilet in the first half. Probably the worst team performance I have ever been involved in. they peppered shots towards our goal which weren’t really goal-threatening, but at that rate it was only a matter of time, and when a corner was half cleared and put back in, the striker backed the ball into the net while goalie Paul fell over. The ref gave the goal which was probably right and it was coming anyway as we couldn’t get our act together.
What else of the first half? Nothing much. We had a few opportunities. Half-chances. Ben injured their keeper – clad in jogging bottoms and a hoody – briefly in one of his trademark ‘fall over and shout oyy’ moments. Far from causing concern from the travelling support, it actually draws loud laughter.
We went into half time for the bollocking we deserved. One change at half time. Matt Prentice off for Martin Layle. Matty P was pleased.
Second half was much better from us, we looked like we wanted to attack them a bit more and the game was more open. Ashley picked the ball up and laid it off to Paul who gave it straight back, then Ashley went on a turbocharged run that took him into their box and his shot hit the bar. Close but no cigar. After 2 very bad corners that never left the floor from Paul, the third got some height and wasn’t properly cleared before being knocked back into the box for Chris to shot/play across goal, then a high powered race between Catty and their centre back chasing the ball at breakneck speed before Catty proved the more pacey and put the ball into the back of the net to score his –1th goal of the season as he claws back his own goal deficit. It was his 0th in the league. As he ran past, jumping higher than the cross-bar height and clearly pleased with himself, I reached out my hand for a high 5. His high-powered adrenaline fuelled effort broke my hand off of my wrist and it flopped about.
There were more hand-related misdemeanours to come later, when after a tussle for the ball which I lost so I took the bloke out with me as a went to ground, I offered my hand to apologise. He left me hanging! No ‘down-below’, no ‘on-the-rebound’, no ‘catch you on the flipside’, nothing. The crowd commented as we walked past. Eventually he offered his hand further up the field.
All of a sudden the ball was played through. Their left back kept me onside while I was ahead of Chris as he made his run forward, he controlled the ball and finished into the back of the onion bag. Offside?? Cheating lino had flagged and the ref fell for it. Still 1-1. I am told that Catt was overjoyed when the ball went in but had to be muted when it wasn’t given. At the other end their bald man with his collar turned up unleashed a precise shot to the corner flag, which rolled off for our throw in. Phew! A warning. We wont let him shoot again, we agreed.
Ben came off for Mike Harvey, who played well when he was on. While he had been on the pitch Ben had farted and maybe followed through. Only one way to find out, find a tissue and wipe your arse with it after you get substituted. Sure enough, it was present, wet poo on the tissue. The tissue was thrown down onto the floor. Then taken off by the dog, who was watching with his family, in his mouth. Nice of Ben to give the pup a new chewy toy.
They did have their opportunities to score as we did. They had many an opportunity blocked by parts of Catty’s body, very bravely, accompanied by shouts of “noooooo!” and “ahhhhhh you cuuuunnnnnnt!!!!” until a goalmouth scramble in or 6 yard box which was half cleared to one of our players. Catty. Centre Half. Captain Marvel. Standing out of the action on the 18yard line while everyone gets mucked in.
Another moment worth mentioning was the time Dan Ahern went down injured after a tackle. This drew many a reaction from the fan club, cries, wails and jumping into the nearby Quaggy River, until it was seen that he was ok after all and would be able to play on. Dan Ahern Fan Club man of the match went to Dan Ahern for his bravery and determination to play through this.
The other man of the match award, the much coveted warmlake sports-sponsored man of the match award, went to Ashley.
2 points dropped I think, but we can still do it. Ask Neil Philpott.