Camden FC 0 - 4 Welsh Tavern Res
04 March 2007 - Report by Paul O'Brien
TURGID WELSH STROLL TO ANOTHER 3 POINTS AS FLACCID CAMDEN AGAIN LEFT PISSING IN THE WIND
Starting Lineup: Kev Wright, Ginge, Danny Marchant, Navy Neil, Loul, Searley, Dave Lee, Dorm, Little Chris, Mike Harvey Subs: Matt Prentice, Joe Brown, Gambling Kev
With Kaan unable to play due to his shoulder and my groin strain putting to an end my ability to do anything faster than walking, it was a skeleton bench as we watched the first half and had vasectomy-based conversations with Little Chris’s mum and dad that I doubt he would’ve wanted to hear about. And Kirk done a fart that Chris’s dad described as “ooh, that smells like Southend”. It was here that we saw Joe Brown running the line and got the call “oi lino, you’re a prick” after giving an offside. So apparently, Joe is a prick. In a post-match interview Joe stated, “There is no ‘apparently’ about it, he was right”.
I have asked our manager, Mark Weyman, to give his view on the events of the second game and came back with the following:
First I put Kieran on the swings. He likes swings. There was a roundabout there but he prefers the swings. After hurting my arms with the repetition of pushing that, I put him on the slide, which he went on once or twice with a bit of goading as he was too scared to come down after he got to the heady heights of the top of the slide from the ladder behind it on the climbing frame. But due to all the rain there was a lot of water on the slide itself but Kieran didn’t like it much as it was making his trousers and pants all wet, which was making him upset. So I took him off of there and where does he run to first? You’ve guessed it, the swings. Problem was, I think I over-pushed as he got to a peak and then fell off. But luckily he got up without crying much and I calmed him down. Hopefully Sarah won’t find out about that. And then I came back and the game had finished. I don’t know what the score was or what happened.
Thank you, Mark. That just about covered it really, but I thought I would add my own views on it to give a bit more of a balance, as a second opinion always seeks to do.
We came in at half time 2-0 down again, having conceded right before the half time whistle for the second time in the two days. This time the stroke of half time goal was a penalty given for a shirt pull in the box, after the bloke managed to get his shot away. Having missed, the referee decided advantage hadn’t taken place so gave the spot kick. Kev Wright, who had played solidly since coming on for Goalie Paul in the second half of the first game, normally saves penalties and managed to get a hand to this one as it went straight down the middle, but unfortunately Kev’s dive momentum took him away from the ball and it went in.
I took the linesman’s flag for the second half where rather than get abuse for my team being shit I had many a Welsh Tavern supporter have mild conversations with me. Particularly when they were pointing and laughing at Ginge and calling him ‘Bradley from Eastenders’ when I thought this was unfair. I mean, that’s purely because the two people have ginger hair. I set them straight with some better options such as Ronald McDonald and Avid Merrion, and I was back to running the line.
I came to the conclusion that Dorm needs some new boots, or that he was playing in plimsolls. Every time he tries to turn, he falls over. Needs a bit of balance training I think. He also took an arm to the face in the first half, which made his nose ‘leak’ everywhere. The referee, sympathetic to the medical needs of a player, told him to ‘get up’.
Loul was our best player in this half, where almost nobody really played as well as they can do. Loul was pretty much the only player in our team who had the beating of his man every time. Navy Neil came off for Matt Prentice so Matty P went onto right wing while Dorm switched to right back. Later substitutions were Gambling Kev to come on, as well as a return after 1½ years for Joe Brown as he came on for centre midfield. He won a few headers, but his main contribution was to take one in the plums.
On a Welsh Tavern attack, Kev Wright came out to kick it away and a howler of an airshot allowed their attacker a clear shot on an open goal and they scored their third of the game. It was an ‘own goals and gaffs’ compilation filler.
But before the match could be over, Kev came out a bundled over their striker for the most blatant penalty ever. The referee, perhaps guilty about giving a soft penalty earlier in the game, decided not to give it and Welsh Tavern were livid. Also in this half, Dave Lee completely wiped out their winger and was set upon by their loudest player, who talked himself into the book for the second time, getting the Dan Ahern award for backchat. This award normally goes to one Dan Ahern, but he was not there to accept the award.
All this talk of awards brings me nicely on to the Warmlake sports-sponsored Man of the Match award, which in this game was won by Loul as a credit to his effort that maybe everyone else should have put in.
All in all a rubbish few games for us and a poor following on the 2-1 win against Welling last week. We can all be disappointed in ourselves for this one.